Play the right song and you will become a slave to the beats and rhythms. So the next time your honey wants some HONEY and you are not in the mood, play the right song to add fuel and start that flame so you can give your baby some of that “funky stuff” ohhhh yea! I’m about to push play on Beyonces “Dance For You”. Shhhhh
What songs get you in the mood for love? Let’s talk about it…
A Google search on why celebrity men cheat yielded 2,790,000 entries but who are the women they cheat with? Why are these women available for them?
Jesse James, Tiger Woods, Gospel singer’s Tye Tribitt and J. Moss, Detroit’s former mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, NBA star’s Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, former President Bill Clinton, former presidential candidates John McCain and John Edwards, former mayor of NYC, Rudy Giuliani, business tycoon, Donald Trump, actor Morgan Freeman and the maestro of directing, James Cameron. What do all these high-profile men have in common? They have, at some point, forgotten their marriage vows and indulged in extra-marital affairs.
A Google search for why celebrity men who cheat yielded 2,790,000 entries and of that, the first two pages saturated with assumptions and theories about why these men cheat. The point is that men cheat because they want to and they can. It is also believed that 75 percent of married men cheat.
Let’s consider the profiles of the women they are cheating with. Since the Tiger Woods scandal – there has been an increase of women entering my life coaching practice who are weary of being the “other woman,” but lack the personal courage to resist. Although there is no one size that fits all in terms of solutions to the plethora of women attracted to the power and success of these men, we have to question why they make themselves available.
Why High Profile Men?
In speaking with these women, the five reasons that were common among them were:
1. The “good” men are already married.
2. I may not get another chance at love
3. He gives me expensive gifts and trips
4. He said he is going to leave her for me
5. She doesn’t deserve him
In this next section is a private interview of a woman and new client who’s attached to dating high-profile married men and has had five consecutive relationships.
Q: When did you first start dating married men and what was the situation?
A: He had all the major qualities that I like when selecting a man – he would surprise me with expensive gifts and lots of them, we were sexually compatible – he was financially supportive, there was such a strong physical attraction that it was unreal. However, I really didn’t know he was married until 13 months into the relationship. Maybe I did know but didn’t care. What I wanted -I received.
Q: Do/did you ever consider the position of the wife?
A: No because my place is that she must not be doing something right because he is pursuing me. He wants me; he sneaks around to be with me.
Q: What is so attractive about dating married men?
A: It is like a cycle that becomes too irresistible to stop – I got into my second relationship trying to get out of the past relationship. I left a married man for the arms of another. They have a way of making you feel special, sexy and irresistible. I love the attention and the promise and the fantasy that true loves really exist – I just must be the patient for it to work out for my complete benefit. The gifts and trips to me are like the engagement ring. It’s like a promissory note that we will be totally together soon.
Q: Why high-profile men?
A: It starts out like a school girl crush, in fact, the second time around it is easier than the first experience. I went from admiring him and then became completely flattered because he was a high-profile public figure. I also considered the life he was providing for his wife and family. I am very attracted to men who live like kings and then I think about the wife and get irritated because I truly believe she is unworthy and maybe ungrateful for the life she has been given. My dream is to live like that. I want to be able to live in my mansion and have my man take care of me. I want him to rescue me from my struggle of not being happy. Her life is the life I want to live.
Q: What are the complications?
A: No matter what I do – I still have to sleep alone most nights and deal with my conscience replaying to me how empty and confused I am. I am in constant conflict because I can’t figure out what I can do so that I can be “the wife”. Trying to figure out if this is the day he is going to leave her for me. I stay so preoccupied that my work suffers; I stay mentally exhausted and obsessed with anxious thoughts. My life stays stagnated – I don’t increase no matter what I do.
On the other hand it makes me ever so vain and conscious of my reputation I work out harder and more because I want my body to stay acceptable, I try to become more ambitious but at the end of the day depression is re-current presence underneath me keeping my nails, hair and body together. I am not doing it for me – I am doing it in hopes that my knight in shining armor will rescue me. Then I get angry because I don’t understand why I didn’t meet him first, why didn’t I get the chance to be the wife first.
Q: Why can’t you just stop and date men who are unattached?
A: As crazy as it sounds, it’s the same as being addicted to anything like drugs, food, gambling – when you get immersed in the culture it becomes what you know and habitually what you do. I wish like hell sometimes I could say no, but I don’t, because I always think it will be different this time. I tell myself, I can get away with it—this time it is going to be just dinner. This time I am not going to fall in love with him. This time we are just going to be friends. This time I am not going to break up the happy home but I truly hope that on the other side of the rainbow at the end of dinner it always moves right into the same thing – a relationship and we become soul bonded.
Q: Have you ever sought professional help for this issue?
A: No, to get my mind off the issue or to build myself up between relationships – I will find myself trying to add extra-curricular activities to my schedule, I try to busy myself with work and I attempt to get in touch with my spiritual self – but these last short-term. I can’t date without worrying about is this going to be my husband. I didn’t think what I engage in warrants professional help. The issue would be over with a proposal.
Q: How does the relationship usually dissolve?
A: I usually leave because the inner and external conflict becomes too heavy for me. For example: I begin to hate every time he has to go to his wife, when he has to make a phone call by stepping out of the room to talk to his wife. The sarcasm starts when he can’t be with me for long periods of time. Planning dates months in advance and then canceling because of the wife. Every time I have to attend something by myself. All of this is so stupid but it is a game and it’s the game that I am a part of. Initially, you never hear about the wife but as time goes on – she keeps coming up. It seems like once they get what they want – the dynamics change.
Q: Is this behavior something you would change if you understood how to?
A: Absolutely, I can’t sleep at night thinking of ways to leave him but at the same time I long for the text messages, the emails and his attention. I can’t wait to see what the next day in this adventure will bring.
Q: What would you say to the other women who are in the place of being the other woman?
A: Don’t open Pandora’s Box – because you will ultimately end up writing a check that you can’t pay for later. It is truly like selling your soul to the devil and you have no control over it because what you want is wrapped up in the hansom financially fit package.
Q: What would you say to the wives of the men you are dating?
A: Wake up and do happy check-ups with your husband because when they are not truly happy with themselves – they are going to look for fulfillment on the outside. Don’t be so consumed with yourself – see what he is missing and help him get it. Because I do blame the wives and what you don’t do – I will!
Q: Do you feel addicted and compelled to date married men?
A: Yes, because I believe in success and I love successful men and I am attracted to their life and I want to be a part of it. I also believe it’s the competition to try to fight for the seat that I want to fill. The bottom line is I don’t get off hurting people and wrecking other people’s homes in fact there is a lot of remorse that comes after the devastation hits. However, the guilt of knowing that he prefers to be with me over his wife is enough to keep me in the relationship.
Breaking Invisible Chains
A significant part of what I do as a life coach is help people who come to me feel comfortable with telling the truth. Also to feel comfortable with sharing their flaws and then after a serious of processes and exercises together, there is an inner illumination of what they really want. The answer appears directing the session to help them discover what will decrease the problem and Super-Size their happiness. Far to often, people believe focusing on healing the problem is the solution – I totally disagree; I work with my clients on focusing on their happiness and the happier and more fulfilled they are from the inside out – the addictions, the fears, the worry, the anxiety, the depression will often times then not disappear. All of this is the very answer to breaking invisible chains.
Breaking Invisible Chains is a concept in my book that speaks to how to redesign your life so that you are free from the self-hatred, self-distraction and self-judgment that 50 percent was inherited, and the other 50 percent was learned through surroundings and or as a result of traumatic events that were not dealt with in a healthy way. For the sake of this article I want to share from Breaking Invisible Chains the principle and process of how to begin to get the help you want when faced with these situations.
Super Soul Detox
This is the process of healing and cleansing the soul of toxins and disease of the emotional self. It walks you through a shifting of a new inner pattern to ultimately understand how to release psychological reversal or also known as self-sabotaging behaviors. In this case you could see from the interview the recurring theme is that all she really wanted was her reality of a successful man to be deeply in love with her, marry her and treat her like a queen. However, her actions and the habit to which she has adopted consistently give her the opposite. Based on the law of attraction, she is repelling what she wants every time she engages in the behavior that is proven to give her what she doesn’t want.
Four strategies to help you cut your problem:
1. Sit reflectively and ask yourself the right questions so that your hidden dilemma of feeling powerless over your emotional appetite/pulse can be clear and addressed.
- Once you understand and can tell the truth about why you do what you do, at the root the easier it will be to dissolve the unwanted behavior and be precise in your personal plan for inner transformation. Digging up the root will offer cues and clues to redesigning the results.
2. Learn to use the power of right focus.
- Right focus will induce the ability to create in your life the alignment needed to say what you want, believe it’s your birthright to have it and the powerful ability to manifest it as well as embrace it once it happens. This process trains the mind to pay no attention to what you don’t want to happen. This is a process of meditation because what ever you are obsessed over (the negative part of meditation) you will constantly recreate in your life.
3. Engage in a regular program of soul detoxification.
A successful program will help you let go of feeling out of control, beguiled into doing things you don’t want, it will help you set up healthy boundaries, a healthier self-image and align you in soul harmony so that you will no longer feel like something is missing or broken in your life. This is the process of ending the negative self-chatter.
4. Don’t attempt this on your own.
one of the major keys to breaking invisible chains is engaging the support, guidance and accountability of a coach, therapist or mentor. The Bible states in the book of Psalm the first chapter, (paraphrased) being accountable to someone with wisdom can keep your soul out of unnecessary suffering. Having someone who can hear and see the situation providing an alternate point-of-view benefits you by expanding your capacity to be deeply in touch with your motives and your personal truths. The more acquainted with your personal truth the more happy and free you will feel.
Hell No! I’m Flattered, But You’re Married
Let’s stop acting shocked each time the media uncovers a story about a high-profile man like Tiger Woods who made the conscious choice to disrespect his marriage vows. Pray for the strength of the wife and moreover, demonstrate intellectual empathy to the women who make themselves available for a fantasy that many of them were taught as a child. The Prince is coming to rescue Cinderella from her evil stepmother and step sisters. Unfortunately, as in this article, the Prince may be the high-profile –married picture of success.
My plea is that women who find themselves in the situation, with the opportunity to date a married man, would consider the words of the woman in this interview and would introspectively understand the complications and conflict that will arise from the situation. Tiger Wood’s is not the only one who desires help and my last words to you as the potential other woman, when a man steps to you and you know he is married that you will make it a practice to say, “Hell No, I’m flattered but you’re married.”
Each time you do it – you will gain strength and increase your value as a woman. Who knows, just by saying no – you may be saying yes very soon to the real man of your dreams.
My coaching practice is swarming with women tired of being unhappy and honestly has had enough of being able to get a man but not able to keep him or have a long-lasting committed relationship. These women like many women are not being treated the way they feel they should be treated and are having more arguments and fights than harmony and romance. If this is your experience too, please read every word in this message.
The problem is not HIM the problem unfortunately is YOU. The results of your relationship is a mirror reflection of your inner most beliefs and feelings about yourself.
You don’t have to think like a man to get the man and keep him, the only thing you must do as a woman is become Selfish. To be selfish you start with a self check-up.
1. Check your Self-Esteem which is how you feel about you.
2. Check your Self-Respect, do you have principles, boundaries and standards that govern your life that you adhere to and make sure others adhere to them. Does your self-respect come with consequences if not obeyed?
3. Check your Self-Love, are you fortifying, adoring and honoring your soul, spirit and body daily?
When you do a real self check you will find the reason you can’t keep the love relationship in your life in the positive. Single women should be selfish with who and what they give their attention to. When you can’t it’s because you’re deficient in your thinking, believing and perceptions of love and who you are as a person.
Men are attracted first by what they see but to keep him around and adoring you, he must sense that you are secure, emotionally stable and have standards that you honor.
If he’s not giving you what you want, it’s not him –it’s you!
So how do you attract or keep the man of your dreams? You must adopt the habit of being selfish.
1. Stop trying to think like a man and focus on being the happiest version of you: A beautiful woman with Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Self-Love.
2. Stop losing sleep over him and let him lose sleep over you!
3. Create a demand for your presence by being selective to who and what you give your attention to.
You deserve to have the most beautiful relationship possible…but you are the CEO of your life. My advice is to manage it well! Be Selfish it’s okay your soul mate will be grateful and truly understand.
Women constantly ask me, how do I know I will really get my soul mate?
The answer is always within you. Believe it or not, you are the co-creator of your life and you bring into it what you’ve learned and what you believe at the core of your soul. In order to attract your soul mate, you have to be able to ask very real questions that lead to very real soul healing and ultimately positive results.
I used to be a magnet for men who were always thrilled to have my time but after a month they would abandon the relationship. If they did not abandon the relationship they weren’t interested in committing to me. I cannot tell you how many times I cried my self to sleep not understanding what is WRONG with me. Why doesn’t “he” want me? The simple answer was for me, I did not want my-self! I was proud of my accomplishments but I was not proud of who I was as a woman, a person. I was never shown love the way I understood it and was consistently attracting the same experiences. Those experiences reinforced that I felt as though I did not deserve to be loved and my understanding of healthy love was very low.
Finally, after a horrible divorce and 2 relationships afterward that left me broken-hearted and wounded, I decided to stop dating and looking for a man until I could get to the root of why I am successful in every area of my life except in love. Yes, I went on a “Man-Cation”! It is my professional opinion that you too should go on a Man-Cation if you are in less than ideal relationships and you have no clue about why.
The following 10 questions prompted my transformation and I believe if you spend time with yourself, you will be able to see some patterns. For every problem there is a solution and starting here will give you the lift up you need to be one day closer to attracting the ideal man for you that will love you, adore you and commit to you for as long as you both agree.
1. What is my vision of me and my life?
2. How do I feel about me when I look in the mirror?
3. How does my self-esteem connect to my vision of what love is?
4. What does love feel like to me?
5. Who loved me as a child?
6. Was love as I expect it shown in my household?
7. What positive examples of love have I seen and or experienced?
8. Is what I want different from what I feel I deserve?
9. Why do I always end up with the same type of person?
10. What am I doing to get the love I really want?
The conclusion to the matter, after my six month “man-cation” for the following 4 months every man who I met wanted to marry me. NOT DATE ME! Can you believe it? I actually had a choice of who I wanted. I was no longer hoping that someone would want me…they all wanted me and the only thing I changed was my soul, raised my attraction vibration and became really clear on what was best for me and determined to not agree to anything less than what I really, really, really wanted!
You could do this alone but why when you can speed up time by working with an experience soul mate love chaperone. I’m ready when you are! Click here to begin the process of calling in your ideal beloved!
Post Written by, Nekisha-Michelle “Life Redesign Queen”
Does it feel like the coldest winter ever? It does to me and I’m originally a Northern girl so my winters here in South Carolina/Georgia are extremely different from those that I grew up in. I remember wearing about 3 layers of clothing, a snow suit, 2 pairs of socks, boots, scarf, gloves, earmuffs and a hat to school and work. I’m from Erie, PA in the middle of Buffalo, NY and Cleveland, OH. Lakefront winters are the worst.
Needless to say, one thing I do like about living in the South is “no bad winters.” It does still get cold where I live but I don’t have to shovel snow, brush off my car before leaving, don’t have to let the car heat up for 30 minutes so the ice will melt off the windows, or put on all those layers of clothing before I leave the house.
Dressing sexy in the winter just takes some practice. However, using the guidelines below will still have those men mesmerized by you even in the WINTER!
Spring is soon approaching but until then here are 3 must have’s to bring out your attractive figure and savvy flare while enduring the winter:
1. Have cowl neck tops and fitted bottoms will show your curves.
2. Have a nice fitted sweater dress, colorful tights, booties, and a wide belt has a nice sex appeal.
3. Have knee-high boots and scarves are great accessories to add to any ensemble which will also aid in keeping you warm.
Here are some examples of some “Sexy in the Winter” looks for you to use as guides.
If you’re stuck with not being able to make your winter fashion sexy and savvy you can get your fashion make-over questions answered here!
PS. You can even get styled for a DONATION…
About this Fashionista
Daphne Ali is an Image & Fashion Consultant, Branding Specialist, wife, mother, daughter, mentor, and workshop speaker. Want more of Daphne visit her Website.
Be clear that when your soul mate shows up in your life it is to be attentive to you and support your healing, your ambitions and your spiritual deepening. I get so many frantic questions from clients and social media followers of NO LOVE DRAMA saying, “I love him but he can’t financially support me.” My reply is SO WHAT! The reason I can bluntly say so is I have seen both sides of the coin and it is so evident that the traditional roles of the man being the breadwinner and the woman being the baker is antiquated stereotypes and being replaced with spiritual partnership.
A spiritual partnership is one that flows in the loving direction of helping each other thrive as better more fulfilled human beings, creates a healthy trust in the ideal and concepts that healthy love is rooted in. Spiritual partnerships honor one another’s feelings and shortcomings. I believe that as long as he is making an honest living, compared to a spiritual partnership, who cares if his paycheck can’t cover your fantasy that a man should do all the providing?
Here is my reasoning behind what I preach. I was taught and subconsciously believed that if my man could not take care of me, I would be embarrassed, he was useless and eventually he would grow weary of not being a “real man” and show his jealousy of my status and financial security.
I stayed married to a man for 7 years that allowed me to stay at home and he handled all the bills and bought me every toy I thought I wanted from a Benz to jewelry. However, he was a very good provider and that was his love language …giving gifts and providing to the point he worked long hours and would come home tired and angry. He had no time for me, the baby and he became insulting, disconnected and emotionally unstable. As a result, my self-esteem decreased substantially, I became angry, I felt broken and alone. Needless to say, I stayed in the marriage longer than I should have because of the money and financial security but I was losing my soul and my self-respect everyday that I did so.
After the divorce was final, I did the soul work and begin to check what I liked about all my significant relationships and what I found was that I felt my best relationships were the ones who gave me these 5 attributes:
- Long deep conversations that we could talk about anything…our curiosities, fears and joys.
- A person who was ready to commit to frequent monogamous intensely passionate sexual experiences.
- Someone I could have loads of fun and be adventurous with. The person that allows me to be a grown woman in public but a little silly girl behind closed doors.
- I wanted a man who his presence commanded respect and he was a natural leader, spiritually connected with principles. A man who his instincts are to protect our relationship and my heart with his love and life.
- I yearned for a gentle patient spirit that was filled with compassion and affection. He would be attentive, didn’t mind saying “I Love You” 1st! Was very loyal with his time and would do anything to prove I mattered. (not just on special occasions)
From doing my soul work and identifying these characteristics that made me feel like I was in a safe and secure relationship…the universe granted me the desires of my heart. In addition, the universe added details I like but didn’t ask for…he’s tall dark and handsome with an athletic built, bi-lingual, he’s an R&B singer and songwriter – he doesn’t care that I am a plus size woman! YEA….!!!
What my soul mate adds to my life makes me feel like the wealthiest most loved and protected woman on this earth. I would not dare risk what I have because his money does not match my own. However, I will say this…because we are soul mates, we share the same vision and are creating opportunities for growth in every area of our life. Therefore, just because his finances don’t measure up today… there is always TOMORROW! With love all things are possible. After all, we are not missing a meal and our sleep at night is very peaceful.
I challenge you to learn what will make you happy and feel you’re most loved, not based on what society has said or what your parents taught you. If you need help figuring out what’s important to you …I’m here to serve as your soul mate relationship chaperon.
No Love Drama
PS. Here is a financial resource from Suze Orman that you can use if you are concerned how to manage your money matters as you share a life together with the significant difference in earned income.
Post written by life coach, Nekisha-Michelle “Life Redesign Queen”
Love doesn’t find you because you are tired and weary of being alone, love doesn’t find you because you don’t feel complete or because you feel you’re getting older chronologically. Love doesn’t find you because of all your successes, rules and philosophies about life. If you choose to find love based on these things you might be happy because you’ve been able to carry out another goal on your wish list, but you probably won’t feel satisfied and you will probably end up with a person who you may be compatible with but is not your soul mate.
A relationship with a best friend or a compatible person can only work with much diligence and tireless efforts to understand what fills each others love tank.
It may take therapy, life coaching and other outside influences to keep the relationship bonded. However, when you send an invitation to your soul mate, this relationship has a slight edge because this person is a mirror reflection of who you are at your best and they come into your life to help you fulfill your life’s calling. Your soul mate speaks your love language fluently and the bond is so deep that it almost feels as though your souls are woven together. Your soul mate feels what you feel and think what you think and it’s almost electrifying saying the same thing at the same time.
Your soul mate will accept your invitation to show up in your life when you are ready and available to be and give more of what you truly are and not because you want to avoid the chaos or confusion of pain and loneliness. Soul mate love is a mystery because it knows to show up when your soul is free of pain, when your soul is abundant and ready to be of great service. To be of great service requires a sacrifice and it requires being self-less.
Here are 3 signs that your soul mate invitation is about to be accepted:
- You’ve replaced ill feelings of un-forgiveness with service and unconditional love. The memory of the pain you once carried and experienced has ceased.
- You are happy where you are in life. You don’t feel as if anything is missing or broken. You have identified your purpose for life and you are on the runway of making it available in the best way possible.
- You feel like you have so much love to share and give. You fill like you are bursting at the seams because you are looking for people to love and share the beauty of your life with.
A soul mate is a spiritual union of two souls who decide to help each other carry out life’s purpose and show the best of God back to each other. God is good and God is love, therefore, the premises of soul mate union is love and goodness. That’s why it’s difficult after soul mates have united on earth when one dies it’s not long after the other follows. Love and goodness will always be blocked if there is no forgiveness, lack of happiness and you are a person that lacks self-love. Invite love and goodness in and watch it show up as your soul mate!
To be ready to send out your invitation for soul mate love start here by breaking your invisible chains.
This post was written by Life Coach, Nekisha-Michelle Bakre, MSW
People frequently call into my Blog Talk Radio show and ask when “he” is going to call or show up again. They share about the deep and powerful connection with a guy – and then ask why they’re not together or when they will be. He’s married (and unhappy) or simply not showing up.
I want to be clear that it’s not about judging anyone here… it’s about really getting the love we desire.
When we create a situation where we long for something, what we really desire is a piece of ourselves that’s missing. When you meet someone who sets your world on its side and is not available – you are the one who is not available.
What is occurring internally will always show up in the world outside. Our inner reality reflects our outer reality.
Being spiritually connected is about being completely present. That does not mean that people don’t feel something similar around someone we long for when they are with them. But the kind of “presence” that uplifts us constantly is what I’m referring to here.
Relationships with sustainable, healthy love embody the magic of discovering your own internal love in external form.
Therefore, when you meet someone who is extraordinary as a companion and is present in a peaceful uplifting way, it is because the love and peace you experience inside is reflected back to you.
So, when someone is in agony and we can feel the palpable desperation and ache of longing, how can that possibly be love? Simple: to that person it is the only way that they ever got any love in the past. They were required to give themselves up for a parent or guardian to get love. And they were trained to wait, to put themselves last in order to get anything.
When we experience panic and longing for love we are reaching outside for a piece of ourselves that’s missing.
In essence it’s only a desire to protect ourselves from being hurt that has created circumstances that has kept some people from sustainable love. As long as one is in longing, then love always appears possible. But once you take a risk – it can be lost. Or can it?
Here’s the psychic rub: How do you tell a client, desperate hear that the “one” is around the corner, that they will never find externally anything to fill an internal ache. Any relationship formed from the intensity of wanting (or lack), will never be enough. When you’re in the middle of that kind of energy, it is almost always impossible to see it, but it’s easy to spot in others.
So the answer to the cosmic question “when will I find love?” becomes very simple. You will find love when you choose to experience love. If you are in the state of “when will he show up,” you have chosen the state “when will he show up.” Energetically that’s what you will attract.
The only reason it does not show up is because you are seeking it outside yourself to fill an inner ache. When you experience love internally, it absolutely must show up externally.
About the author:
Tori Hartman is a Professional Psychic and Author of Color Wisdom Cards. She was Jeff Lewis’ psychic (Flipping Out on Bravo network). She believes that everyone has their own answers – and offers tools for Spiritual Growth on her website. Her slogan is Enlightenment Made Simple. You can connect with Tori on her website ToriHartman.com AND go use her Angelic deck free at ColorWisdomCards.com